


Are we okay like this?

by SilverFliesInBlueSugar



Series: The Angst Chronicles [6]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Fluff, I'm sorry but nathalie is my automatic character to project onto, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Eating Disorder(s), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Light Angst, Slight Gabenath, Suicidal Ideation, i dont mean to make so much angst i just do, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 19:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16582934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverFliesInBlueSugar/pseuds/SilverFliesInBlueSugar
Summary: (You can read this story separate from the series but it might not make much sense. Reading the first 4 parts will make it make more sense)Gabriel sometimes wishes his life had gone differently, but in the end he knows he wouldn't replace those he holds dear for anything.





	Are we okay like this?

Gabriel was never sure how to act around his son.

On the one hand he wanted to push him away as he always did. He had started to push himself from Adrien at first out of necessity to hide his identity, then out of guilt. The longer he stayed away the harder it became to push past the regret at neglecting his son to actually speak to him, and thus the vicious cycle had continued seemingly indefinitely.

The other part of him wanted to care for his son as Emilie had before she had become comatose. To wrap his arms around him just as he had at the catwalk.  
As he had desperately wanted to when Nathalie had nervously informed him that his son was cutting himself, then several weeks later checked in again to say that Adrien had relapsed but Nathalie had comforted him through it.

Gabriel didn't know what to do around self harmers. He hadn't ever thought he would need to know.

He had tried to look up things online, but most were either just redirects to a helpline or therapy. Both technically options but ones he didn't know that Adrien would be fully comfortable with. The teen still had a 'fight my own battles' type of mind so opening up would be painful.

At times he had selfishly wished his life wasn't like this. That his son wasn't cutting himself and could be doing so every time he left him alone. That his assistant was starving herself and was too stubborn to admit she needed help. That his wife was gone and he had no friends left to speak of, unless Nathalie counted.

Several times he had contemplated suicide. Not as a prolonged stage of depression, but snaps of 'would it be so bad?' if he looked at Emilie's painting particularly long or had several long nights of insomnia.

He could usually shake them off. Sometimes they stuck on his mind for days, making him feel sick.

He wondered if his bloodline and those who came into contact with it were cursed. It sure damn well seemed like it sometimes.

"Sir?" Nathalie waved a hand in front of his face, snapping him from his contemplative stupor. He blinked mutely at her and she shook her head, holding up her clipboard. "You have 3 calls scheduled at 5:00pm, so 2 hours from now. I would suggest going over the material i sent your email" just on cue his phone buzzed at the arrival of the email. He took a second to process before nodding concisely and walking to his desk, pulling out his email and flicking through.

Somewhere in his peripheral he saw Nathalie re organizing and when her sleeve fell down he paused.

There were cuts on her wrists. Well.. Scars. They looked old and faded, but that wasn't the issue; the issue was that she had cut herself once and he hadn't been informed. In her form when he hired her she was meant to list any mental ilnesses. Her anorexia wasn't developed truly back then so he didn't blame her for not putting that in, but why hadn't she stated her... Apparent history of..?

He felt very, very sick.

His hand had grabbed at her before his brain had time to catch up and she turned to stare at him in confusion, jerking her hand from his grip. "What is it, sir?" she asked tentatively, and he frowned. "You cut yourself?"

Her face paled before she frowned and averted her gaze. "Many years ago. I don't think that is your business sir, with all due respect"

"Last i checked you work for me, so to be exact your mental health is in fact one of my bigger priorities" he rebuffed immediately, entire body taut and anxiety thrumming through his skin. "When did you stop?"

She bit her lip. "After Emilie... Left" she worded tactfully, pulling at her sleeves "That was the last time I've done it"

"You were well into working for me then! You had to fill out a form detailing your mental health when you applied for a position here, why was i never made aware of this!" he glared. She frowned right back at him, and he tried to hold back the slight responsive flush. Not many had the steel to return his dissaproving stare, and that Nathalie was truly unaffected made her special to him.

"I have only harmed myself intentionally three times in my lifetime sir, twice leading up to the time that i applied to work for you. I didn't consider it enough of an issue to list"

He shook his head dissaprovingly. "You should have. Had you listed your self destructive tendencies we could have nipped your eating disorder in the bud, before it became such a problem"

She looked down at the floor, and he sighed at how uncomfortable she looked.

Before he could stop himself he moved forward and wrapped his arms around her, movements stiff and nervous and yet still spoke more words than he could ever dare actually say. She didn't hug back, but she moved into it, and when he pulled back there was a very visible flush on her face.

He took her hand in his, expression concerned and determined and insistent. "Please take care of Adrien. If you know what it is like i need to know that you will always try to stop him if he.. If he tries to harm himself again"

She nodded immediately. "Of course"

He smiled softly. "And don't harm yourself either, Nathalie. You are incredibly important to me as well"

Her eyes widened before she nodded jerkily, and despite the way she had quickly arranged her face to give off the cold veneer of professionalism she always had on, some affection cracked through the mask. "Thank you sir. Now... I should go and do the work you hired me to do.." she walked to the door but hesitated in the doorway, biting her lip. "Sir?"

He looked up from where he had went back to his desk. "...Yes, Nathalie?"

"You try to make yourself happy too" she sent him a smile over her shoulder. "Because myself and Adrien care deeply for you as much as you for us"

With those words she left.

He smiled softly, adjusting his glasses that had slid down his nose slightly.

Perhaps sometimes he wished his life was different. 

But the people he had in it he wouldn't replace for all of the miraculi in the universe.


End file.
